Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
