The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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