I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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