thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
