Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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