I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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