Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
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