Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
