We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
