We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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