so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
