it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
meet me or not, i'm out of control
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
