Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
