i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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