This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize