nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
