what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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