picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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