dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
