Only a mothe r could love this liver
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It's shark week go big or go home
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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