There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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