I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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