Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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