you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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