So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
How naked do you want me to be?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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