I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
