Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
