I hate your face
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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