Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
