bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I currently don't understand fingers.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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