Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
