i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
