chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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