I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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