He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
