You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
