It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
