You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
