There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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