Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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