my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
