I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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