I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
