Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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