he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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