Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
