I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Terrible idea I love it
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
