Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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