While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
