I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
