I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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