There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
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