Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
