proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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