I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
