Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
