WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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