We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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