haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
