On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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