The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
