Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
