I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
