Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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