i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize