Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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