god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize