Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
COCAINE IS GR8
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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