Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize