He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
