So drunk its hurt
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
