I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
