can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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