He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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