Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Nicole vs. Life
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
