K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Randomize
