I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
