dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
