im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
