my phone cant type all the emotion im having
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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