i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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