I need help removing her.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
