sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
