Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize