is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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